Bounded by Love, But Sworn to Kill
by Realise-FrenchFries
Summary: Mikasa knows her love for Eren Yeager is forbidden. Her promise to humanity - to give her heart - must always come first. She's the strongest soldier. She can do anything she wants except fall in love. Unfortunately, when it comes to Eren, some rules are meant to be broken. Contains fluff and tragedy.
1. Prologue: Hand Of Blood

_**Notes: **__My first Attack On Titan series set after episode 6 in the anime. This will contain spoilers (if you haven't watched or read the manga) so beware if you don't like them. But mostly I was inspired by Atinsybitlost's snk story "Born to Die" to write this, so all credit goes to her. _

_Pairing: Eren X Mikasa. _

**~x~**

There are thirteen slats of wood underneath my bed. I know this because I count them over and over again. And I know that thirteen is known as an unlucky number. _Onetwothreefourfivesixseveneightnineteneleventwelvethirteen. _I whisper the numbers to myself and the sound of my own voice brings me bizarre comfort as I'm sure a prayer would comfort someone who believes in God. It's incredible how loud a simple whisper can sound in the eerie darkness. Surrounded by the white skirt of the bed sheets, the sound of my own heartbeat throbbing in my ears, I can almost block out the screaming, the horrific mourning. And there comes the silence all of a sudden without warning, which is so much worse.

In the quiet, which falls like a penny drop, I can hear my labored breathing, feel it clogging up my airways and fill my lungs with disease as I inhale the toxins in the air. I lie very still, willing myself to sink into the carpet that hasn't been washed in probably years until I no longer exist anymore. There's movement downstairs, I can make out the sound of his heavy boots hammering against the floorboards, passing through the kitchen. _What is he doing? Is he going to come upstairs? _

I've been to this place before. Here, under the bed. I've hidden myself from the frequent and terrible storms of my kidnappers sex life. I've heard the squeals of different women break through the thick walls and the heavy, closed doors. But usually I hear the raw thirst embedded in the woman's voice as she wails for more, but very rarely do I hear the words exchanged between whore and culprit, which I know to be aggressive and spiked with false hope. It is a contagious infection in the air, a poisonous cloud. _Onetwothreefourfivesixseveneightnineteneleventwelvethirteen. _

But tonight is different. My palms feel hot and sticky. Gripping onto a steel handle in my right hand, I keep it at bay prepared to strike him with it the moment he lifts the bed skirt. I turn my left hand over to see it covered in blood. His blood. The man who sent his men to murder my parents, and now it was my turn to force feed his own medicine in cold blood. I was sold onto the black market as a whore, but the chairmen of the market - the boss they called him - took one good look at me and decided to keep me for himself. I've been abused and raped, I've got scars embedded on my back to prove it. I am overcome by a strong fortitude too immobile to shake off. It felt like a gush of black wind had slapped me in the face the moment I was overwhelmed by a formidable strength that I never knew I had. That was when I grabbed the knife from the knife stand and struck him, the minute the blade injected itself into his belly I ran up the stairs and hid underneath the bed. I just wanted so badly to escape this destruction. I had worked hard for that.

Downstairs, the boss issues a grunt of effort. I felt the familiar stone of dread in my chest as I pulled myself further underneath the bed. _What is he doing? _He's coming up the stairs now just as that trail of thought occurred, his footsteps steady and slow. He walks from the kitchen, then paused, as he always does. I can hear him breathing, it sounds like the ocean or the way my mother breathes when she's practicing yoga in the living room, or the wind between the leaves outside my window. He says my name but I don't answer. He carries on up the stairs and I can't stop sweating as he makes it to the landing and walking towards my room. He says my name again, but I still don't answer.

_Don't hide from me. There's nowhere to hide from this. _

And then the screaming starts again, this time slicing me. It takes me a second to realize that it's not the naked woman in the other room screaming, it's me, loud and long in all my fear and fury. My kidnapper drops to his knees and I see his face made strange and unrecognizable by all that has passed. Then he reaches under the bed for me.

**~x~**

The smell of metallic intoxicates my lungs causing me to gag. The air around me is too thick to cut with a knife, I feel claustrophobic as I crawl sluggishly from my dark den, underneath the bed. No matter where I turned the smell was there making my nose sting; the smell of blood, pure and absolutely disgusting.

It wasn't until then that I tasted it, feeling a slimy substance at the tip of my tongue and trailing out the side of my mouth. I couldn't see a thing, the darkness was too heavy to make out the outline lying at my feet, but sharp, labored breaths hushing beneath me answered my questions...they sounded awfully familiar. I was frightened. The sound of these breathes sent a bone trembling chill down my spine, telling me that someone was there. The hairs on my arms stood up like hedgehog spikes.

Despite the fact that I couldn't see, I still could feel the knife gripped in my hands. The blood streamed down the blade and between my fingers, I felt it pouring and heard it dripping on the floorboards like a water leak. I looked down at my hands, to my surprise my vision focused to the point where I could slightly see a distorted black line. I was covered in it, the end of the knife was drenched in red, only the handle was clean, creating a pool at my feet. My silk dress was damaged beyond repair with smears and holes. I managed to make out the black lines of blood tracing up my arms like tattoos.

Realization struck me hard as I immediately dropped the knife, allowing it to clatter loudly on the floor. A sound so small seemed to loud for such a quiet room. My whole body quivered. I'm in a tunnel, falling and failing, swirling and tumbling like when they put that anesthesia mask over your face and tell you to count backward from one hundred and you can't even make it to seventy-nine. Again I heard a sharp intake of air from the ground and I looked, watching a...head lift from the floor. Looking at me with hollow shells as eyes, I witnessed the life from those rings evaporate as the words tumbled out of their mouth, something that I didn't expect to hear from a dying man...a dead man I killed.

Although as he spoke his final words I couldn't hear anything, because already its slipping away, the last few hours. A big part of me is shutting down, I can't stand still no longer. After watching the man stop talking I slapped both hands over my face and ran, out of the open door, down the stairs and through the front porch. The second I opened that door a cold wind harassed me, its brutality felt somewhat comforting, I was used to being abused by the man I just killed. I had black circles imprinted on my thighs from the amount of times him and I had undesired sex. The cold sucked away every inch of warm I had left, my legs felt like jelly but I continued running down a random street, not knowing where I was heading as long as it was away from this place.

The pounding in my head had long stopped, though I wasn't sure if I was in the right state of mind to think straight. I felt blinded by a crimson hue of my kidnappers face staring at me, his men killed my parents, he ordered their deaths himself. He had it coming to him and he deserved every last bit of cruelty. From the start I wanted to kill him, but at the time I thought I was prepared to take that task on. I did it. And I realize now that I was never ready for how I would feel afterwards.

My companion is the bitterness of winter, just the cold, the midnight twilight didn't make matters any better. I still couldn't see anything so I felt like I was running with a blindfold on. I turned to my right heading a narrow lane with houses, standing in a row one by one. I realized whatever the condition I was in I strived to survive this hell. Slowly, slowly my sprinting turned into a light jog, then I halted, and as soon as I stopped my legs buckled beneath me. I collapsed on the pavement.

I had no energy left within me to carry on, like a car without fuel. _Stay strong_, I told myself. _Stay strong_. But I didn't feel strong, I felt the opposite to strong; exhausted and utterly defeated. My heart was hammering in my ribs, it was a wonder it hadn't ripped out of my chest. At the same time my throat was on fire, my lips bloody and cracked due to the cold. I slumped onto my side and pulled my knees into my chest, trying to scavenge what little heat that remained. But above all else I had a feeling that this was the end. No one would find me here. Naturally I should freeze to death overnight...yeah, that sounds right. I closed my eyes as exhaustion robbed my subconscious, I wanted to sleep, there was nothing else I wanted more than sleep. I was too tired to even breathe a sigh of relief for escaping that house. I was free, though right now that didn't feel real to me.

I could hear the noise erupting from somewhere, the pounding footsteps on the concrete. I also heard soft voices ringing in my ears as my mind tried to piece words into sentences. Suddenly before I fell completely into the depths of deep sleep, a pair of arms slipped underneath my body and hoisted me up. Instantly I received a warm presence radiating through my skeleton. It was indeed very pleasant, I hadn't realized that I nuzzled closer into the stranger. I was too tired to care.

Then I did something that I had done twice before in my life. I lost consciousness.


	2. Chapter 1: The First Encounter

**8:30 am.**

The first thing I realized as I began to regain consciousness was that the fluffy material of cotton clothing felt lukewarm against my skin, which meant I was wearing different clothes. The second thing I realized was everything within me was telling me to keep my eyes closed and keep breathing deeply. In other words, I needed to pretend I was still asleep.

I tried to take inventory of my body. The nasty wounds on my back were hurting considerably less than they had before I passed out. I searched around with my senses, and could smell the lingering presence of beef stew cooking from my right. The smell wasn't fully manifested and glaringly obvious, but it was there around me, soothing and strengthening. This naturally transformed into another series of smells, the strong smell of cleaning product caught my attention, like water with soap in it. I became confused at this point, questioning about my whereabouts and where I should go from here once I wake up. Though I still couldn't think straight because my mind was hazy, I wanted to go back to sleep, and it seemed like a long time since I had a good nights sleep.

I went to roll over, to get away from these mysterious smells but something prevented my movements. A warm body pressed against my back, I came to realize that a pair of legs were beneath me, hard but cosy. An arm was placed over my waist. Instantly my entire body froze, thinking about the boss, the man who held me hostage, thinking this was him trying to seduce me again. Naturally my shoulders stiffened, the fight-or-flight response prickled within my gut as I laid there unable to act with my guard down. Above me a woman spoke up.

"She's stirring. I don't doubt she will wake up soon." There was a pause, and I could feel her breathing down the side of my face. Then from somewhere near my feet I heard a boy say, "who is she?"

"I don't know love." The woman breathed softly. "She appeared by our house last night. I'm glad your father heard the noise she was making or else she would've frozen to death, poor thing." Her voice sounded the closest to me. It wasn't until then that it clicked in my head that I was resting on her lap, with my head cushioned into her knees and the rest of my body lying across some sort of sofa. I continued to snooze soundlessly, resisting the strong urge to open my eyes. If I gave any hints that I was awake their conversation would stop, and I was intrigued to know more about what happened the moment I fainted.

The boy's response was hesitate. He sounded as if he was picking his words wisely. And for some odd reason, I could feel his gaze digging spears into my face, I had a feeling he was studying me hard before saying, "she looks awful."

The woman gasped out loud, clearly acting defensive for my sake. "Eren, mind your manners! That was a very inappropriate comment, it's a good thing she isn't awake to hear that."

"No." His tone of voice was like melted chocolate. Even though my mind was racing with the news I'd just overheard, my body was somehow mesmerized by the sound of the boy; it felt good just to listen to him. "I'm talking about last night. I saw blood dripping from her hands, you can still see it stained into her skin. Look." There was another lengthy pause and I presumed they were both staring at my clenched fists crossed in an X in front of my chest.

That was when I felt a set of fingers brush over my curled hands, gliding flawlessly over my fragile skin. It took a lot of mental force not to pull away - let alone move in that matter. I realized the woman was gently stroking my hands, inspecting on what the boy called Eren had pointed out. Though despite my attempt at self-control, I must have made an involuntary movement towards her touch because as quickly as it happened, she withdrew her hand.

"She's waking up," The woman finally said. "Eren can you run to the kitchen and get me a cup of water, please?"

I could almost hear Eren's do I have too groan through the room, but he surprised me by saying, "Okay" in a firm, monotonous voice. Then there was the shuffling of his feet and the opening and closing of a door.

_He sounds like a spoilt child, _was my first thought as the timeless peace invaded my conscious once again, like the fading applause of a crowd. I realized, once Eren left the room, that him and the woman were related. I knew this by the way she said "_your father"_ and, "_mind your manners" _it was just something a parent would openly say. Also my mind was reeling. I kept recalling the boy's exact words in my mind, "_I saw blood dripping from her hands."_ Did that mean he was awake at the time I fell unconscious? Did he watch his father carry me indoors covered in blood? If that's the case, then I have to take extra care in approaching him. I don't want him thinking I'm some sort of serial killer or murderer- though, technically, I am. I couldn't deny it, nor run from the fact that I killed a man last night. I held a knife dangerously to his throat, and was the one who had the power to end his fate within a swish of a blade. To think I held something that gave me the opportunity to kill, and my thoughts were what pulled the trigger to inflict harm. This new thought terrified me.

A rustling around me interrupted my inner thoughts. I remained absolutely still. I wanted to hold my breath, but knew that I had to keep taking deep, even breaths. I swear I could feel the woman's eyes on me and was unbelievably glad that my dark hair was pulled modestly over half of my face and my arms tucked tightly into my body.

I felt a chill coming from my right. The woman must still be close to me. I hadn't felt her move a muscle yet, so she was probably staring down at me, right above my head. I heard the ominous rustle of material and could imagine her reaching out to grab a blanket. She could be getting ready to pull me closer into her arms and wrap me up like a cocoon. At least, that's what my mother used to do.

And that was it. No matter what my instincts were screaming at me, I couldn't keep my eyes closed any longer. Sure that I was going to be looking up at some sort of generous, perfect face, I opened my eyes slowly to find myself staring at the inquisitive features of a boy. He was leaning towards me, his innocent face just inches from mine. His big bold eyes were wide as an exotic half-smile flickered in my direction.

My reaction was instantaneous and automatic, and several things happened all at once. Shrieking my most piercing girl scream, I clutched my curled fists tighter and threw a set of vicious punches in an attempt to push him away, whilst scrambling back so fast I smacked the top of my head underneath the woman's chin. Luckily the boy jerked back mirroring my movements, part of me was thankful he got out of the way, and the rest of me was outraged by how close he was. I didn't even hear him entering the room again. He shocked me that much I reacted out of instinct.

Cold rooms and creaky floorboards was what I was used too. Waking up to face a thirty year old man laying beside me, getting not even a couple of hours of rest while always being on edge; scared at any moment that something could go wrong. A strange woman being held captive in another room down the hallway, waiting to receive my daily amount of thrashes and insults. That was what I was used too; then again I've never laid eyes on a boy my age. Since the day my parents were killed and I was sold, I had grown used to being around older men, which was rather sad, but at the time I couldn't do anything about it.

The pair of arms that enveloped me for a while tightened their grip on my shoulders, enclosing me in a cage of warmth. The older woman gently but firmly squeezed me closer to her chest after recovering from my head hitting her chin. For some reason I felt secure in her embrace as if her arms were castle walls, my gaze was fiercely glued to the startled boy in front of me. I refused to withdraw my attention and look somewhere else, too traumatized to look anywhere but at him.

"Easy..." The woman's voice felt like silk slipping through my fingers, smoothing and calm as if she was expecting this to happen. Without noticing it my body curled into a ball in her lap. My hands reached up to clench a handful of her shirt because I felt desperate to hold onto something. Thinking it would reassure me. In response to my grappling, her arms kept growing tighter and tighter, but not too tight that it was uncomfortable.

I held my breath during a long pause. The boy stared at me, and I stared right back at him. The weird, alluring sensation I felt when I heard his voice hadn't returned. Not that he wasn't the most totally cutest boy I'd ever seen. He definitely was the more I observed him. Even at such a young age, I felt a little start of surprise as I realized exactly what I was seeing as I gawked at him.

He was so undeniable beautiful, I felt kind of ashamed to behold such a sight after my rash attempt to hurt him. He had piercing emerald eyes that were as green as a forest, but also had a tint of turquoise within the centre, it was a unique contrast of colors I had never seen before. Secondly he had short brown tattered hair, stuck out in different directions probably due to a restless nights sleep. It clearly wasn't brushed, but that was something that made him look even more adorable. And not to forget his jawline, it was a fine line straight enough to cut something.

Overall he was different, but that didn't mean anything. I wasn't attracted to him in anyway, I was just simply admiring him without realizing it and once I did recollect my thoughts, a harsh heat harassed my cheeks, it took me a second to realize that I was blushing out of embarrassment.

Finally the boy stopped staring at me and slowly turned to his mother, who was still cradling me like a baby, she too had fallen silent watching our staring contest commence.

The woman cleared her throat before moving her arm in front to gesture at the boy, "my dear, this is my son Eren. Say hello Eren."

For the second time Eren's gorgeous orbs turned to me, he regarded shyly. I sensed a strange skittishness in him. I worried if I approached him too quickly, he'd retreat. "Hello," he said, not bothering to crack a smile or anything. The woman cast me an apologetic look. I began to feel a twinge of guilt just then, I didn't mean to hit him, it was instinct, I swear.

I wanted to say sorry, but somehow my voice dissolved away further down my throat and I couldn't muster the courage to speak. It was understandable that I felt a bit timid surrounded by foreign smells and a new scenery. But if I had to be honest, what made me feel on edge even more was the questionable look Eren was giving me, as if he was debating on whether to trust me or not.

"You're pretty," he said. Then in rapid succession I saw a mixture of unease, bewilderment, and displeasure gleam across his face like Christmas lights. I watched his eyes widen slightly afterwards, and it occurred to me that he hadn't meant to say that in the first place.

I felt the heat rush to my cheeks again, even as I felt his mother's hold relax. A board smile crept across her face and it was unmistakable as relief. I, on the other hand, felt my tension ratchet as he kept his eyes on me. Inside I squirmed as I always do when someone looks at me too long. I thought he'd break his gaze, but he didn't, and my face was burning brighter. Still, I didn't lower my own gaze either. It was like we were having a strange, subtle standoff that I didn't like, but from which something inside me refused to back down.

There was something about Eren, about our chemistry from this first encounter, that immediately hooked us into each other. But it was so brief, just a second. Finally, it was the woman holding me who broke the connection, as if she hadn't noticed anything passing between us. And maybe nothing had, I thought then - just a curious boy unsettling a person who was self-conscious at the best of times.

"My name is Carla," the mother smiled turning me around to face her inside her embrace. It took great effort to tear my eyes away from Eren's though. "What's your name?"

"Mikasa." It was the first time I'd spoken since last night, I was surprised at how small and croaky my voice sounded. Carla's smile softened. She looked like a proud mother, someone who was good at their job.

She turned her attention back on her son after regarding me. "Why don't you change out of your pajamas, and I'll make you both breakfast?" Carla said.

Eren nodded and bounded off like any other ten-year-old boy. And I felt silly as he galloped away.

To be honest I didn't know who to expect. When I heard their voices around me I thought I was dreaming it, but once I opened up into the awakening world the realization hit me that I wasn't dreaming. This was real, I was no longer trapped in that warehouse with a rapist but instead was with kind people inside their house. As I heard Eren's feet pounding up the stairs, I actually found myself wondering a little about the father's whereabouts.

Carla grabbed my arm, smiling giddily. She leaned in close. I'm not sure if she noticed me shrink from her touch. "He likes you," she whispered, as if I'd won a fabulous prize.

**~x~**

**9:10 am.**

The rest of the morning droned on and it felt rather surreal, Carla made Eren and I a bowl of beef stew with bread slices on the side so we could dip them into the soup. I must admit I had never tasted anything so good since the night before my parents died, back then we ate the animals that dad caught in the mountains. I remember he came home carrying a dead duck, and we had that as our dinner that night.

After our meal I asked if I could leave the table and wash myself, Carla said yes and led me upstairs into the bathroom. She quickly showed me how to use their facilities then left me to my own devices. But before she left the room Carla placed some clean clothes on the toilet seat for me to change into afterwards, I was stunned to see that she left a pinkish dress that had long sleeves with a fleece to match.

The house had that special hush of emptiness. Here, it was somewhat heavier, lonelier than the silence that deafened you in a library. The former was an elevator silence; this one was a walking-through-the-woods-by-night type of silence. I noticed this as I opened the bathroom door holding a folded towel over my right arm. I found myself compelled to walk around. As I walked through the landing, I heard some cubes drop in the icemaker and it made me jump a little.

Carla's room was at the top of the stairs, the biggest room. Light washed through a big window framed by logs of wood where there was a cozy seat next to it with pillows and a folded blanket. A double bed stood in the heart of the room covered in a plain white sheet. A hardcover book was left lying on the bed. On the cover of the book a slim girl faced a forest of dark trees.

I walked down the hall. One spare room was empty, it was a spare bedroom for guests and I guessed that no one entered it due to how ridiculously tidy it was. I take it this family rarely have guests over. This made me wonder about what I was going to do now, since I have no family or home to return too, I'm practically on my own like an independent adult.

Early on this morning after breakfast, when Eren rushed up stairs, Carla asked me about my parents, she asked me if I knew my way home. Which I didn't, so I had no choice but to tell her everything. She said she'd pass on my story to her husband when gets home, so the only person who doesn't know about my past is Eren. Though I felt quite hesitant to tell him about me out of fear that he'd judge me and outrageously call me a "slag" - which I've been called that many times before during my time as a whore. To me he came across as the type of person who'd judged others too quickly.

Eren's room was the expected disaster area. As I walked past his open door I saw clothes in piles, and books stacked beside the shelves. His bed wasn't as big as his parents, in fact it was a half the size. I saw that the blanket had been tossed over to one side lazily, he clearly couldn't be bothered to make his bed this morning. I shook my head, where I use to live it was a crime to my mother if my bed wasn't made before breakfast.

Glancing through his room something grabbed my attention. Amongst the mountain of books a particular book with a golden spine glared back at me, the spine caught the sunlight through the window and reflected like a light on glass into my eyes, catching my attention as I walked by. I was told that it was rude to go into someone's bedroom uninvited, especially if they don't know about it, but despite the lessons I was taught I had an itching feeling to investigate the book with the golden spine.

I slipped into the room, avoiding to open the door just in case it squeaked. I stepped over various objects until I reached the book pile. The golden book was the one on the top thankfully, I picked it up with both hands because it was so huge. On the front cover it read "World Atlas" written in big bold letters. I tilted my head to the side questioning what the word "atlas" meant since I had never come across such a word before. My eyebrows rose before settling down on the floor crossing my legs. "What an odd title," I mused mostly to myself. I rested the huge book in my lap turning it over in my hands before eventually opening it, the pages felt like rubber between my index finger and thumb as I flickered to a random page.

I sat directly in front of the window so that the sunlight could reach me and I could read the small writing printed in this book. As I began to read my mind completely zoned out. The passage I was reading was called "The Sea".

'_The sea is otherwise known as the world wide ocean, or simply the ocean. It is a connected body of water that is made purely of salt. It is neverending and covers 70.8 percent of the world.'_

_Water thats made of just salt? That's stupid. _I thought, _if the water was just made of salt it wouldn't be water at all, just salt. And salt is very expensive so why haven't we got any? _

A enormous yawn threatened to escape my mouth. Still, I continued reading, turning the page I came across another passage called "The Desert".

The desert is a large, dry, land thats usually sandy or rocky and has little or no vegetation. In deserts it rarely rains hints why its so dry, not many people live here because of its lack of rainfall and vegetation.

It sounds like there's nothing in the desert at all, unlike the sea thats made of salt. This was actually quite interesting, I was no book worm, never have been. And normally I would pick up a book then put it down after five minutes, but somehow this particular book was different from the others I've read in the past.

"What are you doing?" Asked a voice abruptly - which quite literally made me leap out of my skin.

My hands clenched tighter around the book, jumping a little bit in surprise. My head wrenched itself towards the source of calling where I saw a body standing in the doorway. Intimidating garnet rings fell on my face, staring at me with a mysterious twinkle within them. Their left shoulder leaned against the door frame as if trying to keep it steady, their arms crossed over their chest which made them look more grumpy than angry, but I couldn't help but feel the aura of his presence suffocating me.

I felt guilty, as if I'd been caught stealing.

"Oh, Eren," I managed to say to the boy. "I didn't see you there."

"Obviously," he said. There was no trace of the shy, sweet boy I met this morning. He was icy, his face slack and eyes dead. He walked into the room and strolled over to my side. He bent down and before I could predict his actions, Eren grabbed the book from my hands and snatched it away. This was something I clearly wasn't expecting so I protested out of surprise, but he ignored me, looking in my direction with unmistakable menace.

"Didn't your parents ever tell you that its rude to look through people's things?" Gut-punched by the quiet ugliness of his tone, I let my jaw drop wide open. Keeping his gaze as I moved to get off the floor. Then I walked towards him. I know I'm not a large person, I was always the smallest kid around. But for the record I was slightly more built than the other kids who lived in the mountains where I lived. For a ten year old Eren seemed taller than me by an inch, we were nearly the same height. I stopped directly in front of him. My face must have been scarlet, as it always got when I was angry or embarrassed.

"Didn't _your _parents ever tell you that it's disrespectful to be rude to your guests?" I hissed. Our eyes locked. We were doing that fierce staring thing again, with the same intensity as this morning when I mistakenly attack him, only this time - unlike this morning - his eyes were filled with outrage and a tint of dismay, it flashed across his face - then disappeared as quickly as it came.

I noticed the change in his body language immediately, by the way his rigid shoulders relaxed, his narrowed eyes feathered, and the way his jaw unhinged itself. He blinked a couple of times as if trying to clear his vision from dust, I backed away once I saw the change. It was weird because it looked like he was swapping between two personalities, one minute he was a grenade shaking and on the verge of exploding, the next he was soft, approachable.

"Sorry," Eren sighed, shaking his head. He bought his hand up to run his fingers nervously through his thick brown hair. "I don't do so well with new people."

I nodded, "it's alright. I'm kind of the same."

After wiping his hand through his hair, Eren looked back at me, he looked much calmer and in control of himself then he did a few seconds ago. I inhaled deeply, trying to contain myself from commenting on how cute he was. It was unbearable, the way he just brushed back his hair, he looked like one of those flawless models that did the hair thing and it looked photogenic. _And he's ten years old. _How can a ten year old boy look so good with messy hair?

"I think we got off on the wrong foot this morning." I said desperately wanting to shoved these unnecessary thoughts aside. I didn't know him and here I am thinking such things.

"Yeah, same."

"I didn't mean to try and hit you...it just happened."

"It's fine." Eren waved his hand but not in a dismissive way but in a casual way, and that gesture alone made me feel slightly better. Finally we were getting along, which was probably an achievement for both of us, getting along with the opposite gender. Hesitantly he said, "do you want to start again?"

I shrugged, "sure" then extended my right hand out to him. "I'm Mikasa."

I watched his emerald eyes switch from my hand to my face and back again, he still had that wavering look about him that debated whether he should trust me or not. After a few seconds of hesitation, he extended out his left hand and grasped his fingers around mine, shaking it firmly. "I'm Eren. It's nice to meet you."


	3. Chapter 2: Reliving the Aftermath

**It's finally here! After so much writing I am so sorry for the long wait. I didn't intend on making you guys wait such a long time for the next chapter. You see, college has been quite busy recently to the point where its been chaos, and since then I haven't been able to access the document containing this story. But as of now I've finished all my work until the next semester so that gives me time to write. Anyway, without further ado, enjoy chapter 2.**

**~x~**

The sun had nearly set, and the kitchen was dark except for the light I had on over the table. I was reading the "World Atlas", the book with the golden spine. After my second encounter with Eren we came to a truce, and as a way to say sorry he let me borrow the book to read. I spent an hour in the kitchen reading the Atlas, and the more I read into it, the more hooked I got.

Eren told me not to tell his mother about the book, I asked why but he didn't respond, instead he threatened to hit me if I told a soul...though I knew he didn't mean that. He could hit other boys, but he couldn't bring himself to strike a girl. I don't know how I know this, its maybe a gut feeling, but he comes across as the type of person who acts tough around his friends but respects women at the same time.

I heard the door upstairs open, then light skittering footsteps. Eren appeared in the doorway holding an empty plate. I looked up at him and he paused for a minute, then went to the sink and washed his plate before placing the item on the rack to dry. I watched him for a minute before returning my attention back to reading. I felt him come over and stand behind me; the hairs went up on the back of my neck.

"I can't pronounce some of the names in that book," he said.

"Do you want to travel the world someday?" I asked him. Eren walked around and sat across from me. In the light, he looked like an ordinary boy, maybe a bit troubled, but just a kid. I felt an unwanted tug of empathy.

"Of course I do! Once I join the Scouting Legion and eliminate the titans I'll -" he stopped short. His eyes blinking a couple of times out of disbelief. For a moment, his face looked as if he just realized he said too much. "Listen, whatever I just said don't tell anyone about it, okay? About me wanting to join the Scouting Legion...don't say anything to my mum or dad, or anyone."

"I won't." I shook my head to empathize my point.

"Promise?"

"I promise."

He stared hard into my eyes, searching for any sign of emotion that may betray me. Trying to make sure that I wasn't lying. Under his inspection, I felt like a timid animal facing a wild dogs glare, all my muscles froze. Then after a while, Eren sat back in his chair, seeming convinced with my answer.

"I believe you. But yeah, that's my plan for the future. What about you Mikasa?"

"I plan to grab a horse and gallop away into the sunset." Was he old enough to detect sarcasm?

A bright smile crossed his face, and his eyes glittered. He was truly beautiful, and I found myself mesmerized by his verdant-shaped pools. The tan of his skin looked flawless. Laughter as pure as sunshine erupted from his throat the same time his smile emerged. He had that sort of smile that could end wars and cure disease.

"You're quite funny," he said, calming down and composing himself.

"I do try," I said. Closing the my book with one hand, it made a thud sound as it sealed shut in front of me.

"You're not like the other kids," Eren suddenly said, tracing a finger on the wood of the table. "There's something really different about you." Truthfully I didn't know how to react, so I said nothing. I wasn't sure if I wanted to tell him that I didn't feel like someone special. That I was expecting someone to grab my hair and tell me I'm worthless and I shouldn't exist. That I was an accident waiting to happen. Unfortunately I was still stuck in that mindset. And I guess this is where that saying '_old habits die hard'_ comes from.

We grew silent. Until Eren asked, "want to play chess?" It sounded like a dare, one I was happy to take.

"Sure. I'm warning you though, I'm really good at it. I hope your not a sore loser." I said that because I strongly suspected that he _was _a terribly sore loser.

The boy bolted upstairs and returned with a chess set in a wooden case, which he unpacked and assembled with unsettling speed and dexterity. I watched him carefully set up the chessboard and all its pieces, placing them in their correct squares.

Once he did that, he sat back in his chair and volunteered to go first. He reached out, moving a pawn piece forward that was placed to the right side of the board. Again, I observed his every move like a hawk. In the first round he utterly destroyed me. Then during our second game, I moved my first pawn piece from the left side of the board. And so we carried on like that, each taking turns to move a playing piece.

"So, Mikasa." The boy spoke just as I was lifting my Knight to kick out his pawn. My hand midway to place it back on the board when he said, "why did you have blood on yourself that night?"

My hand stopped mid-way. It had been over 24 hours already since then, but in an instant of seconds, millions of memories ran through my mind in a quick motion. My mother's warming smile. My parents crumpling to their knees- their empty shells drowning in a pool of blood. Two men grabbing my arms- waking up in a room with a man beside me. My hands tied behind my back. The boss pulling me by my ankles to bed against my will. That same man picking up a leather belt...me grasping onto a kitchen knife...

"Mikasa? _Mikasa._"

I hadn't realized I'd grown silent, or even moved my hand from its position, too overwhelmed by the grim memories my body completely shut down. I had to wrench myself from my thoughts. My vision blurred but came back into focus seconds later - expecting to see the boss squashing a cigarette butt on the table. Though thankfully, Eren's stainless face materialized from the illusion my mind created to frighten me. Upon seeing him I sighed in relief. The boy watched me with uncertainty, he looked different with a soft yellow hue cascading upon his entire face, it brought a bold contrast to his green eyes.

"Are you okay?" He asked.

"I..." Beneath the table I caught a glimpse of my trembling hands so I sat on them to stop the shaking. But he was growing more jittery the longer I took to answer him. "I'm fine."

"We don't have to talk about it..."

I inhaled deeply, regaining the courage to relive that painful memory.

"My mother and father were killed by men who originally came to take my mother away, but ended up killing her because she fought them to protect me. My father was already dead at this point, so they took me instead. I was meant to be sold as a slave but the chairmen of this business decided to keep me for himself, so for a month I was held captive inside his house, against my will." I paused to allow my words to sink in. "I was treated badly, along with other females who suffered the same pain as I did. Eventually I saved myself. The blood you saw on my hands was the chairmen's blood, I killed him and ran away."

I expected him to call me a liar, but instead, he shoved himself back from the table, away from our chess game before standing up. Running his fingers through his brown locks as his face changed from being calm to angry. "_Monsters!_" The venom in his tone sent a bone-trembling chill down my spine, like blood trickling from the edge of a blade. He was that fierce I suffocated underneath his vicious gaze again.

"Eren," I spoke timidly because he was so unpredictable. Though as he stood there, what he said next startled me. "I'm...glad you fought your way out. Because this is a cruel world, and you have to kill or be killed to survive it."

The scariest thing about this was that Eren was right, not that I already knew this, I did. I just couldn't find the right words to describe it and here he was, summarizing it in a few sentences. I was shocked that Eren could see so much already. He saw things that people didn't, he noticed the blind spots that others would ignore. Every detail of the world, and this ten-year-old boy could see it all. My lips parted at the same time we heard an opening door. Quickly, Eren sat down on his chair, until his mother appeared in the doorway and found us there, heads bent over the board. She gave a smile as she left us alone, preparing dinner. And we all shared a lovely meal of vegetables and fish.

"Mikasa's a terrible chess player," Eren told his mother. His eyes shimmered, watching carefully to see if it bugged me. It did. Can I hide that from him?

"It's not that I'm bad," I said. "It's just that Eren's so good. Who taught you to play like that?"

He was too young and too arrogant to accept the compliment. I could see that he wouldn't make some kind concession that I wasn't that bad after all.

"I taught myself," he said pulling back his shoulders, giving me a heavily lidded look. "Who taught you? A monkey?"

"Eren," said Carla. She put her fork down. "That's not nice. Apologize."

"Actually," I said. "My father taught me."

Suddenly he turned dead still, his eyes widened a bit at the same time his face dropped in unease. The father button, I knew it well. The absence of a male presence in this house was notable by the fact that no one mentioned it. I took a small, dark victory inside for hitting him where it hurt. Mature, I know.

Carla had gone very still, too, I noticed. She was bracing herself for I don't know what kind of emotional storm. A stronger mother would have punished her child and asked him to leave the table, would have done so long ago before this conversation started. But I found I couldn't judge her. I felt sorry for her more than anything. I offered a little laugh to soften the atmosphere, and they both looked at me. "He really wasn't that good, to be honest. He was awful." There was a moment, a held breath. Then everyone laughed, banishing the tension like mist.

"Who wants dessert?" asked Carla, giddy, it seemed, with relief. We both did.

**~x~**

The winter chill jabbed me right in the bone the moment I woke, not even the covers had the strength to contain all the warmth. I breathed out, seeing a cloud spurt from my lips like smoke from a chimney. I was lying in bed, staring at the ceiling until my gaze wandered to the left. My reaction was a bit delayed, but after a few minutes of staring, my body bolted upright. The blanket crumpled in my lap. _Not again,_ my mind was playing tricks on me. I realized this once I registered that a certain man wasn't there. Sitting in the corner, watching me. My heart thudding. Sunlight trickled in through the shielded window, sending fragments of broken rays skittering across the wooden floor.

Sluggishly, I turned, lifting my pillow. Underneath was the book with the golden spine I kept the night before, staying up late to read about a place called the Jungle. According to this, the jungle is a land covered with dense vegetation and dominated by trees, it showed a small picture at the corner of the page. I remembered widening my eyes at the amount of trees it had. Then I read a little bit about the "antarctic" before I fell asleep. I don't remember much from that page so I guess I'll have to read it again. But overall, I was really enjoying the book, so much so I debated on whether to give it back to Eren or not. I've had it in my possession for over a week now, so maybe he's forgotten about it. Maybe I can keep it for longer if I don't mention it in conversation. I pulled the book from its hiding place, flipping through the pages until I got to page 264, "_The Antarctic."_ Remembering page numbers was one of my specialties, I never needed a book mark.

"_The antarctic is a polar region around the Earth's South Pole, opposite the Arcticregion around the North Pole. The Antarctic comprises the continent of Antarctica and the ice shelves, waters, and island territories in the Southern Ocean." _

My gaze shimmered to the bottom. "_There are a variety of animals living in the antarctic such as penguins, seals, whales, and birds. Penguins __are a group of flightless birds living in the Southern side of Antarctica. They are highly adapted for life in the water, penguins have wings that have evolved into flippers. Most penguins feed on fish, squid and other forms of sealife caught while swimming underwater. They spend half of their lives on land, and half in the oceans."_

There was a soft knock on my door. It roused me immediately from my reading, but I sat there for a minute listening. My first thought was that it was Eren, coming to take his book back. Considering the fact that he was a hardwired boy, always impatient and had strong opinions that were quite frightening at times. He clung to his own rightness. I figured out, during my stay in his home, that he was the type of person who took no for an answer.

Another knock, then: "It's me, Carla."

I buried the 'World Atlas' under the pillow before getting up. Then walked to the door to opened it - which I'd locked before going to bed. Carla stood there holding a light pink dress draped over her arm, a delighted smile decorated her lips, her hair pulled up high into a side ponytail that had curls emerging at the bottom. "Hello dear," her warming smile grew wider. "I don't mean to intrude but I need to pop into your room to get some bed sheets. I've also brought you clean clothes for today."

I mirrored her gracious smile as much as I could. Moving aside I sat back down on the edge of my bed. Carla strolled towards a set of draws, pulling out the top one before rummaging through folded blankets, searching intently for whatever she needed. I watched her for a minute, like a curious dog watching a rabbit. Carla was a nice woman, the friendly kind that welcomed people with open arms. I found myself comparing her with my mother. Spotting the similarities and listing the differences. Like my mum, Carla was gentle, whenever she spoke she picked her words carefully and there was never a frown on her face.

"So," said Carla, "how are you finding it here?"

"It's nice," I said nervously, covering my hands with my sleeves. "I prefer it here than that place."

The woman turned from the set of draws holding a pile of bed sheets in her arms. She heavily dropped them at the bottom of the bed, the weight of the pile pushed down the mattress as I felt it lower underneath its weight. Carla walked around the bed, coming up to my side she sat carefully on the edge next to me. She knew exactly what I was referring too when I mentioned that place. _That_ place that shall not be named. _That _place that holds too many nightmares like a dream catcher. _That _scary place. Besides, she was the first person I told. She practically urged it out of me, so I had no other choice but to tell her.

"You don't have to talk about it if you don't want too." That was exactly what Eren had said to me. Looking at her was like staring at a spitting image of the boy, you could tell they were related because they looked so alike, and Eren possessed his mothers caring nature.

"I'm okay," I said.

Carla nodded slowly, before offering a small smile, "I'm just checking. If you need any help at all, though, you know where I am." Then she got up, collecting her items before heading for the door.

"Um. Carla," the woman turned around, hugging her chest with a pile of sheets in between.

"Yes?"

I don't know what compelled me to ask. But I had to clarify it, because I was still so very confused about where I belonged. I guess that childish part of me wanted to be loved...wanted a family again. It'd been a month ago today, that my parents died saving my life. A month ago that I was taken in by thugs. "Is it okay for me to live here? I mean, your not going to kick me out, are you?"

For a minute, Carla didn't respond straight away and I held my breath for the entire time. Immediately presuming the worst case scenario, I thought she was going to tell me to get out. For most of my life, people always told me that I was worthless. That my families race was meant to be extinct and that I was the only one left. Once, it dawned upon me that I would walk this world alone with no hand to hold. The boss always used to say "there's nowhere to hide from this," and I guess there wasn't. Being alone was more destroying than being around people. But I'd rather be alone than be destroyed by people.

Before I realized it the woman crossed the room again, sitting down in the same place. My body stiffened when her arms reached round my shoulders, pulling me into her chest, I received instant warmth from her clothes. The smell of blossoms enveloped me in a cocoon, until I got used to it and felt myself relax. Her head lowered so her lips were close to my ear. I heard her whisper, "this is your home now, Mikasa. There's no need to run away anymore."

At this point unwanted tears stung my eyes, though these were tears of relief. I hadn't cried in a long time because I was a hard shell to crack, you could throw anything at me, and I wouldn't budge. But knowing that I was accepted, knowing that I was apart of a family again...I'd never felt so happy in my life.

**~x~**

An hour later, Carla assigned Eren and I with a job; grocery shopping. Apparently there was a market that opened every Wednesday morning - hence why it's called the Wednesday market. She gave Eren a piece of paper with a list of vegetables she needed to prepare for tonight's dinner, which was special because Eren's dad was coming home.

So here I was, carrying a rucksack of bought goods. I wasn't sure if we'd bought too much or too little, but Eren insisted that we buy lots of food so that it would last for more than two weeks. He told me he hated coming to the market, and this was his way in avoiding a second trip. We took turns in carrying the rucksack. At the moment it was my turn. Although after three minutes of carrying the darn thing, my shoulders got numb. It was that heavy the straps started to rip, it even put pressure on my bruises, but I ignored the discomfort and focused on walking straight.

Then Eren said something that sounded like music to my ears, "I think we're done here." He flipped through the long, treacherous list, with a pencil in his other hand ticking off each ingredient. A deep sigh escaped me, then with big effort of my strength, I unhooked the bag from my shoulders and settled it down with a heavy thud. He looked up, staring directly at my face. I spotted a small, sly smile creep up his cheeks but not big enough to notice from a distance.

"What are you smiling at?" I breathed, much to my irritation, what I said prompt him to smile wider. He shook his head turning his attention back on his list. I watched those garnet orbs skim past every sentence. "I've never seen you work so hard," he said in a monotone.

For some reason I allowed myself to get angry, it was s if he was trying to figure out which buttons to push. And as much as I wanted to say something sarcastic, I remembered something my mother used to tell me; "_don't sink down to their level."_ Don't let your emotions control your actions, because it's very easy to get distracted. That sort of advice helped me through surviving life in the boss's domain. I shivered at the thought of his crooked smile, floating around my subconscious trying to scare me.

Suddenly a voice called out from behind me. Again, I watched Eren's smile brighten in the same way it did yesterday during our chest game. He waved his arms, beckoning someone to come over. I saw another boy pushing through crowds of people. His tiny body was able to shuffle through gaps that a normal child couldn't. He had golden blond hair that was cut off below his jaw line, his fringe was also trimmed above his eyes, blending in with his eyebrows. Although the most wonderful feature about the boy were his eyes, they were bright blue, the same color as the sky.

Eren practically breezed past me, extending his arms and pulling his friend into a hug. Then the blond boy spotted me out of the corner of his eye. He let go of Eren slowly, turning around. "Mikasa meet Armin. Armin meet Mikasa."

Just for his sake, I produced the most sympathetic smile I could, aiming it in Armin's direction, the blond timidly returned a small smile of his own, but not as bright as mine. "It's nice to meet you," I managed to say.

"Hello." Armin replied, his voice sounded as quiet as a penny drop and as shy as Eren's when I first met him. The sleeves of his long, light-blue sweater covered his hands, as he pulled them nervously. "You look different from the other kids in Shiganshina. Where are you from?"

At the mention of this question, I noticed Eren turning to face me inquisitively. I presumed that he too, was wondering the same thing.

"I used to live in the Mountains up South of Wall Maria, in the farmlands."

Both their faces changed from curiosity to disbelief.

"You lived in the outskirts of Wall Maria?!" Eren exclaimed.

"I read about mountains in one of my books." Armin said, crossing his arms in thought. "A mountain is a large landform that stretches high above sea level, and they usually -"

"Form a peak which is known as the top of the mountain. They are made from rocks and earth, and generally mountains are higher than 600 metres. Those less than 600 metres are called hills." Times like these, I wish that I could take a picture of someone's facial expression. Because Armin's reaction was simply priceless - and so was Eren's up to a certain extent. I knew this information from reading the World Atlas every night before I slept. When Armin mentioned that mountains were landforms, I instantly knew he was quoting the book. So it rolled off my tongue as easily as melted butter.

The blond boy was simply thrown off guard. "How did you...?"

"I read it in a book called the World Atlas," I said, watching his face shift again. Only this time a more softer smile pursed his lips, his blue eyes shining as if finally realizing something.

"Does this book have a golden spine?" He asked politely.

"Yes."

"That's mine. Eren borrowed it a while ago. I'm actually quite surprised he's let you read it."

"And Eren's right here you know!" The boy with the green eyes hissed. Armin and I turned our heads to see Eren with his arms crossed, looking impatient as he tapped his foot on the ground. I tried not to get annoyed, but I knew that my face couldn't hide the daggers that shot in his direction. The fact that he interrupted our conversation bothered me. But he didn't seem to notice my dirty looks as he turned to walk ahead. "We better get back, it's almost time for dinner. Armin do you want to come?"

"Yes please!" Armin beamed.

"It's your turn to take this." I said to Eren, nudging the rucksack of food placed on the floor. Grudgingly, Eren came over and hoisted the item over his back with effort, but as he turned again, he sent me a few dirty looks of his own before walking on ahead. For some reason, I felt a surge of self-satisfaction burn within me.

"What's the matter with him?" Armin murmured beside me, clearly worried for his friend.

I shook my head, "he's just in a mood. That's all." Then suddenly I remembered my earlier thoughts when I was talking to about mountains. I leaned sideways so I could get closer to Armin's earshot, lowering my voice to a whisper.

"Armin, do you know anything about chess?"


End file.
